One Thing I Like About Palm Springs

Palm Springs is a modern romantic comedy that works best when you watch it as a counterpoint to Groundhog Day

I’m still not exactly sure whether it was intentional that you know the premise of Palm Springs — a romantic comedy about two people stuck in an infinite time loop — going in, or if that’s just a side effect of my watching it five years after its release. But the thing I like is that it works best if you’ve done all the required reading before going in.

After a clumsy and skippable intro showing Andy Samberg’s character Nyles having a difficult time having sex with his current girlfriend, we see him going through the events of a wedding day where it quickly becomes apparent that he’s seen all of this happen before, many, many times. He does a favor for the bride’s sister Sarah, getting her out of an awkward situation, and then impresses her with a dance in which he weirdly seems to be able to anticipate what all of the other guests are going to do.

The effect is kind of like starting the story from the climactic scene of Groundhog Day, where Bill Murray’s character has demonstrated to Andie MacDowell’s that he’s grown to be cultured, considerate, and thoughtful. But then, Palm Springs goes on to suggest that that’s not enough.

And for the audience, it has the added effect of feeling like the repeated scenes in time loop movies, right from the start: we’ve seen this before, so what’s different with this iteration? The entirety of Palm Springs seems to be about what’s different between a fairy tale-inspired romantic comedy in 1993 and a more modern take on relationships between flawed people in 2020.

The most obvious appeal of Palm Springs is that it’s got two of the most charismatic and inherently appealing comedic actors in a romantic comedy that respects the audience’s intelligence, and it’s thoughtful and often clever. The longer-lasting appeal is that, like Groundhog Day, it still uses the time loops as a metaphor, but as metaphors for deeper and, frankly, healthier ideas.

For one thing: it gives the female lead complete agency. Sarah’s a full participant in the loops now, instead of just a prize for Nyles to win once he’s improved himself enough. It is simply more fun and less bleak to see what happens when two likable but self-destructive people are dropped into a situation where they can do anything they want without consequences.

(If I’m being super nitpicky: Sarah’s character does feel sometimes like the Amy Schumer bit of “a chick who can hang,” i.e. she sometimes feels very much like a woman written by a man with an idea of what his perfect woman would be like. But this is mostly just in the scenes that are deliberately meant to be silly, and she’s a better character when it really matters).

But all of its metaphors are about relationships between two equal partners. What we bring to them, what we get out of them, the things we need to get over before we can commit to them, how to make them last, and why we need them in the first place.

And the best is that it quickly dispels the idea that these characters are going to be freed from their situation as soon as they find and accomplish the one thing that will redeem them, or make them better people, or make them fall in love. The movie never explicitly references Groundhog Day, but it does suggest that the core idea of that movie is a little solipsistic at best, or outright toxic at worst.

In Palm Springs, we see Sarah and Nyles go through lots of time loops together, and we get an idea of what the implications of a life without consequences means to each of them. But by the end of Groundhog Day, we’ve seen that Phil has had what must be years of dates with Rita, but she’s only known him for less than one day. We’re left wondering how that’s a foundation for a stable relationship, as opposed to basically being the story of a woman who’s been charmed by her supernatural stalker.

And more significantly, Groundhog Day is all about Phil improving himself as a person to the point that he deserves the love of someone like Rita. Palm Springs says that we all inherently deserve love from the start, and what makes the relationship strong is the way we spend a lifetime improving each other.

Not to mention the assertion that falling in love, even if it’s genuine, isn’t enough. Relationships take work and putting in the effort to get out of a problem and move forward.

Groundhog Day is solidly in the realm of pop culture at this point, and most people are probably familiar with the premise even if they’ve never seen the movie. I’ve seen quite a movies by this point where being familiar with the most well-known time-loop movie is helpful for understanding the plot. Palm Springs is the first I’ve seen where being familiar with Groundhog Day is helpful for understanding what they both mean.

Tuesday Tune Two-Fer: You Can Hear It Too If You’re Sincere

Two tunes in honor of the idea that being a good person is hard and hard core

I’m still riding my Superman high, trying to figure out exactly how it went from “a joyful celebration of comics and a fun time at the movies” to “this movie has lodged itself directly in my heart.” I saw a recap from some YouTubers that I think nailed it: watching Superman makes me want to be a better person.

I tried to find two thematically appropriate songs but with little luck. Turns out that “Better Man” by Pearl Jam is actually a downer about a woman settling in an unhappy relationship, which doesn’t work at all. So I’ll just have to stop trying to be clever and embrace being on-the-nose.

“Punkrocker” by Teddybears feat. Iggy Pop is the closing track for the movie, and if you want an idea of just how corny and emotional I am, listening to it again now while thinking of that final scene has me happy-crying at my desk.

Walking through CityWalk after seeing it a second time, I noticed that dozens of people were wearing T-shirts with various incarnations of the Superman logo. I liked imagining that it was more than just the kind of thing you’d expect to see on the opening weekend of a blockbuster movie. That people weren’t just celebrating fandom, but the idea of rejecting cynicism and being fearlessly kind.

So how about re-using a song I’ve already used before, but removing it from any 1990s college radio irony and treating it like a sincere celebration?

“Superman’s Song” by Crash Test Dummies felt like a novelty song back in 1991, a slow dirge/ballad about comic book characters that got a ton of radio airplay as an alternative to grunge. But whether it was corny in a self-aware way or just corny, I like to listen to it as a sincere appreciation of what the character’s all about. A character that’s been kept alive and familiar to audiences for almost a hundred years now, not because of media companies’ endless attempts to reboot or reimagine him to keep him relevant, but because the core idea is timelessly relevant: someone with the power to do anything, but who chooses to be selflessly and tirelessly heroic.

Also, I admit that this gets me really excited about future movies in the franchise, because I hadn’t considered a live action version with the same tone that might include the Legion of Doom and Solomon Grundy. The first time I saw the movie, I went to the bathroom during the part where Lois visits the Hall of Justice, so when I saw it on my second viewing (not to mention learning it was based on a real building which was used for filming), I made a gasp that alarmed the people in the theater sitting next to me.

Movie Storytelling: Less is More (More or Less)

Stray thoughts about making excuses for shallow movies vs appreciating how movies actually work

While catching up on my movie backlog this year, I’ve been pleasantly — no, more accurate to say unsettlingly — surprised at how much I enjoyed action movies like Ballerina, John Wick, Edge of Tomorrow, and even M3GAN 2.0.

In each case, I’ve watched them critically, making a note about all the times they include shallow characterization, plot contrivances, predictable or just lifeless dialogue, or any of the things that separate “real cinema” from mindless entertainment. And in each case (to varying degrees), I’ve gone away thinking that it just doesn’t matter; the end result just works.

I don’t want to discount the very real possibility that I’m just a simpleton who’s easily mesmerized by beautiful people, flashing lights, and swirling colors. But my “they’re fine, really” reaction to Jurassic World: Rebirth and Captain America: Brave New World was a case of forgiving the weaknesses in the storytelling because the action scenes or the overall vibe made up for it.

But I first noticed something different going on with John Wick. I still wouldn’t say that I loved it, but I did feel that the shallow characterization and extremely simple revenge plot, which I’d normally consider to be weaknesses that the action has to overcome, were actually the movie’s biggest strengths.

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You’ll Believe a Man Can Believe

Thoughts about a second viewing of Superman and how “childish” idealism is the new punk rock. Lots of spoilers.

At the start of Superman, after he’s lying broken and bloodied in the snow, and he gets dragged to the Fortress of Solitude by Krypto, and his robots put him in a special chair to blast him with yellow sun energy, and the healing process is so painful he screams as we hear his bones cracking back into place, he rolls out of the chair, and while kneeling on the ground, his first word is “golly!”

The first time I saw it, I thought it was just a funny character gag, the same way that many versions of this character has had others calling him “Smallville” or “Boy Scout” to make fun of him. But seeing it a second time, I realized it’s the first example of the movie’s surprisingly focused theme, which is iterated over and over again throughout: Clark’s earnestness, idealism, and kind-hearted desire to do the right thing are his strength, not a weakness.

I was unsure whether it was a good idea to see the movie twice in two days. But I know that I tend to leave movies on an “action movie high,” which can sometimes make me have a too-charitable impression that I later regret. I also thought that if I wasn’t preoccupied simply trying to make sense of all the manic weirdness, I’d be able to watch the movie more objectively and critically.1I’m wary of becoming Nicole Kidman-like in my breathless praise of the magic of AMC Theaters, but I have to say that living a short drive away from a really nice theater (albeit attached to an exhausting theme park), and with a subscription that includes multiple movies per week, it’s been great for short-notice reservations for movies I wouldn’t have seen otherwise.

Well, that backfired, since I went away somehow loving the movie even more than I did yesterday.

I’ve always been someone who liked but never loved the character, but today I found myself tearing up at every moment with Krypto, and every shot focusing on the S logo on Superman’s chest. It managed to bypass the critical portions of my brain and lodge itself directly in my heart.

Even more surprising is that it disproved my initial take on the movie as being over-stuffed, messy, and unfocused. Going in knowing what the movie’s major themes would turn out to be, I could see that practically every scene was, in one way or another, in service of illustrating, reinforcing, or clarifying that theme.

This is not a subtle movie. Everything that I described as if it were an undercurrent of the movie is all right there, on the surface. Characters say it explicitly, multiple times, and it’s further illustrated in several different ways, and even repeated in the choice of the final song. Lois says directly that she’s a punk rock girl who questions everything, but Clark trusts everyone and thinks everyone is beautiful. He responds that maybe that’s the new punk.

Which again, just seemed like a catchy, memorable line at first. But what keeps it from being too simple and too on-the-nose is the wonderful idea at its core: in a world where everyone has become skeptical, and cynical, and distrusting, it’s daring to simply be earnest and idealistic.

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    I’m wary of becoming Nicole Kidman-like in my breathless praise of the magic of AMC Theaters, but I have to say that living a short drive away from a really nice theater (albeit attached to an exhausting theme park), and with a subscription that includes multiple movies per week, it’s been great for short-notice reservations for movies I wouldn’t have seen otherwise.

One Thing I Love About Superman

Superman is the superhero comic book movie that best captures the weird, nonsensical joy of comic books. No major spoilers.

There’s a scene in Superman where Clark and Lois are having a serious discussion about their relationship and how they really feel about each other, while a battle against a huge inter-dimensional creature is silently playing out over the city in the background out the window. In the reverse shots where Lois is talking, we can see the blurry image of the battle reflected in the furniture behind her. That’s a fantastic detail, and the scene is one of many that illustrates exactly why I loved this movie so much.

Comparisons between the Marvel Cinematic Universe and this first entry in the James Gunn-led new version of the DC universe are tiresome but inevitable. I still like both a lot, but the comparison doesn’t really make sense because they’re trying to do almost completely different things. The MCU is all about translating the weird, decades-long continuity of the Marvel comics into a streamlined format that makes sense for cinema and television. Superman defiantly insists that trying to make it make sense is missing the point. It’s all batshit crazy nonsense in the service of simple, old-fashioned, moralistic storytelling, and that’s the joy of it.

Before I saw the movie, I’d seen and read a lot of reviews that mentioned the comic series All-Star Superman by Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely as one of the primary inspirations. To be honest, I doubt I would’ve picked up on that otherwise, but if you go into the movie with that in mind, it’s obvious. It’s definitely not a direct adaptation, but it borrows a lot of the character designs, in particular inside the Fortress of Solitude.

But more than that, it has the same mindset: it’s a self-contained story that doesn’t try to carefully usher a mainstream audience into decades of niche media continuity; and it doesn’t try to adapt all of the wacky and corny ideas into a more grounded or realistic version. Instead, it embraces not just the idea that anything can happen in comics, but also that so much stuff already has happened. These books have been telling stories about aliens and super-heroes and pocket dimensions and gigantic monsters for decades. It’d be ridiculous to try and sweep that under the rug for the sake of an audience that’s perfectly capable of running with it.

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F1 The Movie The Review

A blurb-friendly review of a car racing movie I haven’t seen. No, not the original one, the formula one.

Once you enter the space of F1: The Movie, you can’t escape! It’ll have you under its control, and you’ll want to return again and again. When you see F1 shift into high gear, you’ll hardly be able to function, and you’ll want to strap yourself into that driver’s seat and turn the key. Bored? No way!

Excitement? Thrills? Put ’em on my tab! It’s not an option: I command every cinema lover, looking out their windows and wanting to insert themselves into a more invigorating alt life, to run, don’t walk to the theater! Put on your movie-watching caps, lock down those tickets, and go!

Don’t be content to sit at home with social media and mindlessly scroll. Lock yourself into an adventure with so much power, you’ll never want it to end!

If sitting in a two-and-a-half-hour-long movie about car racing gives you pause, put those worries on mute! You’ll have plenty of back space, since you’ll be watching the whole movie from the edge of your seat! And you’ll spend the whole time remembering the pulse-pounding danger of the previous track, while looking forward to even more action on the next track! (If you’re worried about bringing the little ones: none of the characters curse or get into uncomfortable sexual situations).

I almost feel bad for the editors slash trailer creators, since I can’t think of a single senses-shattering moment I’d want to delete! Plus, you can take a screenshot of the screenplay and scan any page up and down, and you’ll find quote-able dialogue without equal, period. This is the kind of positive story you simply can’t find in print. Screen it immediately!

It’s clear that this is a movie you’ll want to watch at full brightness and maximum volume, no ?. Multi- -ate Brad Pitt is 100% the best in his [] @ what he does, & he has a # of 24-^ gold scenes that grab you and don’t let go ~ movie’s end. (+, with his -ing good looks, even @ 62 he’s still a * you’ll want to ! in the :. | down, naysayers, Brad Pitt is \ he never left!)

If F1 is this thrilling, I can’t wait for F2 through F12!

The author of this post received no financial compensation for this review, and he clearly couldn’t be bothered to spend 155 minutes of his life watching a film about a sport he has no interest in, even though by most accounts it’s pretty good and entertaining. This review of F1 should not be interpreted as a cry for help.

Jurassic World Rebirth Rebirth

Imagining an alternate reality version of a seventh Jurassic Park movie that would actually seem necessary?

My take on Jurassic World: Rebirth wasn’t what I’d call “glowing,” but after seeing some of the vitriol directed at this movie online, it’s made me feel like an apologist for the franchise.

I’ve seen commentary about the questionable ethical footing for the whole movie, having its main protagonists be mercenaries with little motivation beyond money, but some of the comments seem to be from people who hadn’t bothered to check the title of the movie before they bought a ticket. No, this is by no means an “essential” movie; it’s a franchise picture. What part of “Jurassic World” were you not understanding?

But then I saw this take on the YouTube channel The Nando Cut, and while I disagree with specifics, I think I agree with the overall idea. Consider the movie based on what it’s trying to do. And by that measure, I think it’s fine. But the most interesting idea in that video is the thought experiment of coming up with alternate versions of the movie, if it hadn’t been so completely predetermined by the constraints of a huge-budget summer blockbuster sequel.

Nando’s version was a dinosaur version of Jaws, but I’m more taken with the idea of a movie that leans more into the disjointed nature of the existing story. What if it were really about a family stranded on a deadly island along with a bunch of dinosaurs and the mercenaries trying to hunt them?

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Literacy 2025: Book 22: The Last Devil To Die

Richard Osman’s culmination of the cozy mystery series The Thursday Murder Club

Book
The Last Devil to Die by Richard Osman

Series
Book 4 in the Thursday Murder Club series

Synopsis
A heroin smuggling ring drops off a valuable shipment in a shop owned by one of the old friends of the Thursday Murder Club. The plan is to have a handler pick it up the next day, and he’ll be able to make a tidy profit just by keeping quiet about it. But a few days later, he’s found murdered in his car, and the box of heroin has gone missing. The club resolves to find out who murdered their friend, and the case will end up involving every one of their increasingly growing group of colleagues and acquaintances, as well as getting them involved with drug smugglers, art forgers, online scam artists, shady government organizations, and murderers with multiple levels of experience.

Notes
This series started out aggressively cozy, just on the verge of being insufferable, but managed to win out on charm. The stories have gotten better with each installment, finding a good balance between a cozy charming mystery story where you’re hanging out with a bunch of familiar characters, and making them all feel like real people with real concerns instead of just a bunch of stereotypes about the elderly.

The Last Devil to Die is unquestionably the best in the series, both for keeping up with a twisting plot and also giving the reader time with each member of a cast of characters that’s grown to unwieldy proportions. But most of all, it deals with the death of a main character across several chapters that are extraordinarily well written. It’s sentimental without being maudlin, respectful without being cold, and all handled in a way that feels honest and not manipulative. It’s an extended series of emotional gut punches that feel earned in a series that’s always shown affection and respect for its characters.

This feels like the last book in the series, but Osman quickly assures readers in the afterword that it’s not. He’s just wrapping up the first four-book run of the story and taking a break to concentrate on a different series of mysteries. I think it’s a good call, and it’s definitely going into a hiatus on a high note, reminding us why we’ve gotten to feel like these characters are friends, instead of growing tired of over-exposure.

Synopsis
An excellent wrap-up to the first four books of this series, balancing the obligations of a twisty murder mystery with readers’ desire to spend more time with characters they’ve gradually gotten attached to.

One Thing I Love (Yeah, I Said It) About M3GAN 2.0

M3GAN 2.0 is corny AF and has all kinds of pacing issues, but its best moments are sublime in a way the original only hinted at. (Minor spoilers)

All of the marketing for M3GAN 2.0 has abandoned any notion of the franchise being horror or satire, and just gone all-in on the idea that M3GAN is a sassy bitch who loves drama. Which had me expecting the worst, because what I liked so much about the first one was how it nailed (no offense to dog neighbor lady, RIP) its tone.

I don’t want to overstate the appeal of M3GAN, because it’d be revisionist history to claim that it was a brilliantly insightful classic. But I thought it was a ton of fun, and downright masterful in how it made the movie itself reflect the creepiness of its main character: it never settled fully into camp or fully into horror, always remaining in the uncanny valley where everything just felt off.

A perfect example of that was how M3GAN would spontaneously launch into song at odd moments, to help Katie come to terms with her emotions. It was corny but sincere, awkward and unexpected and just plain weird.

After I realized that M3GAN 2.0 is more broadly comedic than its predecessor, and doesn’t even pretend to be a horror franchise anymore, but more cheesy 1980s hyper-violent action thriller, I settled into just enjoying it for what it was. It still had flashes of very clever people making something deliberately silly — a bad guy gets his entire head punched off in the first five minutes! — and a casting decision that I hadn’t been spoiled for and was a terrific surprise. (In retrospect, the trailers were actually fantastic for not giving away some of the movie’s best surprises).

But then, in the middle of a scene I was already liking anyway, M3GAN starts singing at an unexpected moment. And it was sublime. Without exaggeration, the most I’ve laughed in a movie in years.

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Tuesday Tune Two-Fer: After Pride

Pride month is over, and we all know what comes next!

Featured photo from the Athens, GA tourism page

Pride month is over, so it’s a perfect opportunity for corny people like me to misquote Proverbs and say that it’s time for the Fall. Especially when it lets me listen again to one of my favorite REM songs, which always conjures up good memories of my college years in Athens.

Corny jokes aside, it’s also a good opportunity for a refresher on what Pride month is all about, which is the rejection of shame. There have always been bad faith attempts to equate it with the deadly sins, from people trying to disguise their bigotry as a valiant fight against sinfulness.

Back when I first came out, I even bought into a less-bigoted version of that, wondering “what is there to be proud of? It’s just a part of me, and being ‘proud’ would be like being ‘proud’ of having brown hair or being right-handed.” The part that I was missing — and I wonder if people still miss, or if it’s nothing more than disingenuous posturing to keep marginalizing people — is that the achievement to be proud of isn’t simply being gay, or trans, or bisexual, or non-binary, or any of the variations on “queer,” but in having the courage to live your life being true to yourself.

Keeping with the “not what I thought it was at first,” I’m pairing it with The Beatles’ “If I Fell”. I always thought that this song was romantic at best, harmless at worst, but paying more attention to the lyrics, I see that it’s kind of gross. Maybe not “I used to be cruel to my woman, I beat her and kept her away from the things that she loved” gross, but still the opposite of everything I think of as romantic.

Based on the title and wistfulness, I’d always thought of it as being about falling recklessly in love, but of course it’s explicitly not. It’s a guy on the rebound demanding loyalty from a new prospect before they’ve even gotten to know each other, and presumably before she finds out what made his last girlfriend break up with him. Even if he weren’t setting up a relationship where he’s constantly comparing the new girl to his last girlfriend, he explicitly says at the end that he’s trying to make her jealous.

And appropriately, he includes the line “don’t hurt my pride like her,” in the bad sense of “pride.” Which all leaves me asking the question I’ll probably be asking a lot over the next eleven months: are the straights okay?

One Thing I Thought Was Weird About Jurassic World: Rebirth

Rebirth keeps to an action movie template that’s been through so many generations that its characters and motivations are purely symbolic. (Major spoilers after a warning)

On Monday I went to another of AMC’s “Screen Unseen” mystery movies, 100% convinced that it was going to be the sequel to M3GAN. Same rating, very similar run-time, a week before release: it couldn’t be more obvious what this one was going to be.

I got to the theater after the trailers had already started, to find a camera crew both outside and inside the auditorium, plus posted warnings that we were going to be filmed. The room was packed full, and everybody cheered when Scarlett Johansson and the guy from Wicked appeared on screen to thank everyone for coming. I was holding out hope that it was going to be a comedy fake-out, and they’d reveal they were there to promote an unrelated movie, but no, it was in fact Jurassic World: Rebirth. And with so many studio types around, I thought it’d be rude — not just to them, but to the people in the audience hyped to be there — if I’d just stood up, gave a thumbs down and blown a raspberry, and walked out.

I skipped the last Jurassic World movie, but I wasn’t boycotting the new one or anything. I’d already made a reservation for next month, in fact. I’d just expected to be watching it in IMAX for the full summer blockbuster effect. But I honestly wasn’t expecting much from it, and I had been hoping to see a different movie, so take that into my account when considering my early-ish review.

Because it’s fine. Actually, I’d even call it the third best Jurassic Park movie, after The Lost World. That movie was disappointing at the time and remains baffling: yes, it has the young girl using conveniently-placed parallel bars to defeat a velociraptor with the power of her gymnastics, but it also has what is undeniably one of the best sequences that Spielberg has ever made, with an RV getting pushed over the side of a cliff. Rebirth doesn’t have any sequences that reach that level (very few movies do), but there are some very cleverly-choreographed kill scenes, and an extended sequence with a T-Rex that is outstanding.

Which was a relief, because I was sitting through the first 30 minutes or so completely stone-faced, worried that I was messing up the night-vision crowd reaction footage or something. I avoided the camera crews on the way out, even though I like the idea of being part of an ad campaign that just has an old man in a goofy T-Shirt saying, “I dunno, I thought it was fine. The guy playing the dad was crazy hot.”

The best image during the entire introduction was a traffic jam caused by a dinosaur lying in a park near the Brooklyn Bridge, slowly dying while the New Yorkers seemed more concerned about traffic than about the fate of the creature. Rebirth established repeatedly that the dinosaurs that went global after the events of the last movie are now concentrated only around the equator, not just because of the climate, but because of a lack of interest from the general public. Like the space program in the early 1970s, what had once been a source of breathtaking wonder was now so commonplace that people didn’t care anymore. That felt to me like a pointed bit of self-awareness about this franchise in general.

So in short: this really is one of the better entries in the franchise. There are a lot of charismatic actors doing their best with what they’ve got, which sounds like damning with faint praise, but the reality is simply that they’re fun to watch. There are a couple of really good action sequences, and an awareness that the dinosaurs themselves are no longer the main draw, so you’ve got to make everything else compelling. It’s a by-the-numbers summer blockbuster that holds its own, and it really shines in a few key moments.

One moment that stood out to me as hilarious: the group has all assembled at the site of a dead and abandoned InGen facility, near a convenience store. The generator rumbles to life, and all the lights start to flicker on, accompanied by “Stand By Me” playing over a speaker system. Our little-girl-in-peril character looks frightened, and her dad holds her close and says something like, “It’s okay, baby.” It was funny simply because it was so weird: is this girl who’s survived multiple dinosaur attacks frightened of corny needle drops in general, or just Ben E King?

But the most interesting thing to me about Jurassic World: Rebirth is how it works within its action/monster movie template, and saying so would require spoilers for a movie that’s still a couple of weekends away from release. So spoiler warning in bold not to read the rest unless you want to be spoiled.

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Tuesday Tune Two-Fer: Summer of Not Pulling Your Love Out

Two completely innocent tunes from June of 1971

The end of this week will mark another year of my inexorable decay and decline towards oblivion, so I thought it’d be fun to celebrate by finding some songs that were released in my birth month.

As it turns out, old age doesn’t necessarily bring with it maturity, since I thought the available list of songs was hilarious, full of hopefully unintentional double entendres. Normally when I say “that sounds like a porno!” I do a quick Google check to see whether it is, but I can pretty much guarantee that every one of these titles has been used for an adult film without even looking.

In addition to honorable mention “Don’t Pull Your Love Out” by Hamilton, Joe Frank & Reynolds, there’s the catchiest song of the month, “Mr. Big Stuff” by Jean Knight.

And it pairs perfectly with the masterpiece “Double Lovin'” by the Osmonds. Every time I’m tempted to think that I’m not really that old, it’s a reality check to remember that back then, you could have the whitest, Mormonest family imaginable doing Motown leftovers from the Jackson 5, and they could be preposterously successful with it.

I’m sure they knew exactly what they were doing, but it’s a lot more fun to imagine that they were blissfully unaware of the implications of:

Double, double lovin’ makes
You feel so good inside
And when I double up on my lovin’
You’re gonna be satisfied