Chuck

Laudable.com

I don’t know from audiobooks. Just not my scene, man. Even if I did have the attention span for reading material that lasted longer than the time it takes to have a bowel movement, I get nervous and my mind wanders when I don’t have more than one source of input. What are you supposed to do when you’re listening to someone read you a book? I don’t take public transit and have never had to commute longer than 30 minutes. And I sure as hell don’t exercise. Are you just supposed to stare at the wall? I’m so self-conscious that I can’t even look directly at a wall for more than a few seconds without feeling uncomfortable.

The only time I tried an audiobook was back when I lived in Georgia and decided to take a solo road trip to visit my friend Alfredo in Washington DC. The only audiobooks the Conyers library had available were a biography of Princess Diana and a couple of Star Trek novelizations, so it shouldn’t be any surprise which one I picked. Did you know that Diana’s family was originally part of the House of… okay but seriously. The Star Trek book was engaging enough, and fine for passing the time while driving through the Carolinas, but it’s hardly literature. Real literature doesn’t include laser sound effects, for one thing. The book was read by Levar Burton, which gave it a “Reading Rainbow” quality. (I could be making that up, since I don’t remember which cast member actually read it, but I’m allowed to make shit up because I can do anything!) Anyway, it was fine for that one trip, but I never had the desire to try another one. And I can’t imagine that blind people (no offense) and those who go on long road trips by themselves (no offense) are enough to drive the popularity of the things.

It’s certainly not because the audio adds anything to the experience. Today I’ve been feeling even more culturally illiterate than usual, so I started trying to find a podcast of National Public Radio (the website is kind of Mac-hostile). That didn’t turn up anything useful, but I did find iTunes carrying an audio book of Roy Blount, Jr.’s book, Feet on the Street. “Cool,” I thought, and clicked on the preview.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Now, no offense intended to Narrator Paul Boehmer; dude’s got hella diction, yo. But casting is crucial. And if you’re, say, Paul Winfield, and you’re three chapters into reading the autobiography of, say, Rosie Perez, don’t you have some kind of obligation as a professional narrator to stop and say, “Hey wait a second… this just isn’t working out.”

I just spent a whole over-long blog post going on about Roy Blount Jr’s voice and how it comes through in his writing. And it ain’t that. Part of that lack of pretension I was talking about, is the fact that Blount can write the line “Chameleons skitter across turquoise stucco to disappear among elephant-ear leaves and bougainvillea blossoms, which Tennessee Williams likened to bloodshot eyes,” without it sounding all fruity. Even when he is referencing Tennessee Williams. It’s the author’s voice that’s important — if you were doing an audiobook version of Walt Whitman poems, would you cast Nathan Lane?

I was already halfway through this blog post before I checked the site again, clicked on the wrong link, and found the abridged version, which it turns out Blount narrates himself. (I’d assumed that they’d use the same narrator for both versions, and just audio-edit out the parts they wanted to abridge). Now that’s more like it. Picayune has just barely over two syllables, not three. Oyster has an extra r in there somewhere. And you can tell it’s genuine, because it’s got that half-stilted, half-familiar sound that comes from a non-actor reading his own work.

Sounds like one of my uncles proudly reading a kid’s book report to the family. At least, I imagine it would until he got to the parts of the book about how New Orleans taught him to be less apprehensive around gay men. Or how he was walking along the banquette (pronounced banquette) one morning and “coming the other way… are two head-shaven guys and between them a pretty woman with long black switchy hair… And here, from across the street, is what I hear the woman say: ‘My hole hurts!'”

So let it be said that I’m against audiobooks. At least, until I find the version of Truman Capote’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s as read by James Earl Jones.

Credit Dauphine

Or, “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Television Again.”

I finally got around to watching the last disc of season 1 of “Alias” last night. Man, they weren’t kidding about the “big cliffhanger” thing. Murders, everybody finding out all about everybody else, simultaneous torture scenes, the return of some old favorites from the pilot, and a valuable life lesson: don’t disable a giant ball of mysteriously suspended water unless you’re sure where all the water is going to go. Give the people what they want, JJ!

Best part for me: I’d expected there to be four episodes on the disc and was surprised to see it end suddenly, so I watched the extras and blooper real. From this, I learned two things:

1. I’m in love with Jennifer Garner. Watch your back, Ben.

2. The makers of the show “get it.” I mean, obviously if you’ve got a show with as many double-agents and ancient manuscripts and, you know, the zed-word, they’re not taking it too seriously. But still, I’d been treating the show as a guilty pleasure, trying to maintain a level of distant smugness that I was appreciating it on a level of pure escapism that the makers of the show didn’t intend. Entertain me, plebians!

But in the making-of-the-pilot documentary, Abrams mentions how fortunate they were to get a cast and crew who understood the tone of it. Because it’s always right on the verge of parody, and would descend into just pure nonsense unless everyone treated it as if it were 100% serious.

That actually struck me as somewhat profound. It’s not camp, it’s not “Touched by an Angel” earnest, it’s not an attempt to be gritty and realistic. And it’s not that nebulous three-layers-of-irony detachment of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” where it’s not a silly teen soap opera because it’s smarter than that but don’t get us wrong we don’t take ourselves too seriously and aren’t afraid to make fun of ourselves but then again it’s a metaphor for life and we do Meaningful Important episodes as well. The “Alias” guys are just trying to make an entertaining roller-coaster of a show without taking it too seriously and without being too self-referential. And they do a damn good job of it, too.

Plus, Jennifer Garner is at least 18 times more appealing than Sarah Michelle Gellar. I’m going to go back and recant all my Hilary Swank comments.

I just don’t understand how y’all managed to wait a year between the cliffhanger and the next season. I didn’t even last 12 hours; I couldn’t wait for Netflix, so I went by the video store to get the first disc of Season 2. Your mom was a spy!

By the way, when I was up on Haight street to get the video just now, I saw Fred Schneider of the B-52’s and a small, easily excitable entourage. I thought it might’ve just been somebody who looks like him, but then I heard him talk. Odd. I wonder what he was doing up there, and I hope that someone hooked him up with some kind bud.

Joims!

I’d planned on skipping War of the Worlds until it came out on DVD, or at least until I was watching it with someone else. But I was in Japan Town for dinner, one thing led to another, and I caught the late show.

I think Mr. Spielberg has been reading my blog, and I’m sorry I was so hard on the guy. The movie is relatively schmaltz-free, the music is understated, the reaction shots appropriate, and the cast can actually act. Dakota Fanning is just scary good; child stars are not supposed to be able to act that well. (Go Conyers!) And there are even scenes with Tom Cruise and Tim Robbins in them, together, and you don’t want to claw out your eyes or run screaming from the theater. That’s saying quite a bit. It’s pretty much exactly what I asked for — the tense and memorable action scenes that Spielberg is really good at, without the schmaltz and the neat & tidy message.

But man, is the result bleak. I mean, sure, the source material is pretty bleak, and when you do it as realistically as you can manage instead of having a layer of 50’s sci-fi irony on top of it, this is what you get. The reviews I’ve seen all keep saying “intense” and “relentless,” and that’s accurate. This is an old-school horror movie, from when people understood that “horror” meant less gore and cheap surprises, and more horrible things happening to people for no reason and they can’t figure out why or how to stop it. Imagine the T. Rex scene from Jurassic Park with better child actors and no goofy toilet gag, then repeat that for two hours.

So it ends up being very well-done, but kind of hollow. Spectacular effects and full-to-bursting with memorable scenes, but without any real depth to make it resonate. And I think that’s not the fault of the director, or the screenwriter, or any of the actors, but just that that’s as much as anyone could possibly get out of the source material. Adding a “life lesson” more blatant than the “don’t get too cocky, mankind” that’s already in there, would’ve come across as trite.

Instead, they decided to go as realistic as they could manage — no clumsy exposition (the narration just gave it a 50’s sci-fi feel, and was appropriate), no sudden epiphanies or life lessons, no gearing-up-for-the-big-battle, just random death, destruction, and confusion. You’ve got to give them kudos for that. (And kudos for having the leads of the 1953 movie show up in cameos). It ends up being pretty upsetting; when the attacks first start, both the kids ask if it’s “terrorists,” which gives he movie some relevance and makes life outside the theater seem even more dark and pointless.

Also, I’m pretty sure someone involved in the production has played Half-Life 2. Obviously they both use the same source material, but a lot of the scenes in the movie are like a live-action version of the game, with all the weapons to fight back removed. I thought it was neat.

Plus they showed a trailer for Peter Jackson’s King Kong before the movie. I’m going to watch the hell out of that movie. It just looks damn cool.

Spoilers for War of the Worlds after the link…
Continue reading “Joims!”

The poppies make him sleepy

Maybe I haven’t embraced the fast-paced LA lifestyle as much as I’d thought (or as much as my new co-workers have told me I’ve “gone studio”). A flight to LA and a day-long meeting were enough to knock me out; as soon as I got back to the hotel room, I was comatose. I’d planned to go by the City Walk for dinner and maybe see War of the Worlds (or, I’m ashamed to admit, Bewitched was my back-up plan), but didn’t wake up until midnight. I blame only have two or three hours of sleep last night. It’s possible I’m just not cut out to be a Frequent Business Traveller.

So it’s dinner of Cokes and a Snickers from the mini-bar and an evening alone with my blog and the Cartoon Network. Worst part is that I think I’ve enjoyed it more than I would have going out. Maybe next trip I’ll hit the town.

(Probably not).

Hello? Is it me you’re looking for?

So yeah, I’ve got the whole personal technology/gadget fetish thing going on. No shame in that. Or at least, if there should be shame in that, I haven’t felt it.

A while ago, at the beginning of spring, when a young man’s fancy turns to big screen TV’s, I considered replacing my brick-sized Treo 600 phone with something newer and smaller. But I got over it. I got the Treo mostly just because it was the hot new gadget at the time, but it turned out to be pretty practical and do everything I needed. It’s pretty big, but not all that cumbersome, and it’s nice having access to mapquest from anywhere, or to be able to write notes or send & receive text messages with a full keyboard.

So of course now the phone has crapped out on me. It’s still 99.9% functional, except for the one thing you need from a phone, which is to be able to actually hear the person on the other end. I’m not sure if it can be repaired, but if past experience with Palm is any indication, repairing it is as expensive as getting a new (cheaper) phone. Plus, a tour of Palm’s website last night gave me the impression that the Treo 600 is already — just over a year since it came out, keep in mind — old news, and trying to repair it would be like taking a hamster to the vet.

The thing that pisses me off the most is that I’ve got a perfectly valid excuse to blow some cash on a new gadget, and I don’t want to. A new crop of phones is just about to come out, so whatever I get is going to be outdated within a month or two. Whatever I get is going to be smaller, sure, but most likely with a more cumbersome interface. And of course, it’s been a couple of months now since I left EA, so I don’t have the double bonus of a steady stream of income plus no free time to spend money, which means my bank account balance just keeps getting smaller.

The lesson learned, I suppose, is not to spend so much money on a damn cell phone in the first place. Now if I can just keep that in mind when I go out this morning and buy a new one.

Who’s a great big birthday boy?

While I was getting my annual pass from the Disneyland Bank, the effusively friendly lady behind the counter took my ID and got all excited. “Happy birthday!” she exclaimed while grabbing a sticker and asking me what name I wanted written on it. I tried to point out that Monday was my birthday and wearing a sticker on Thursday felt like cheating, but she said, “That’s your birthday on the outside. From now on, today will be your Disney birthday!”

So she wrote “CHUCK” in big letters with circles on the ends and drew stars all over it, and the rest of the day I got to walk around Disneyland with a big birthday sticker. All day people kept wishing me a happy birthday — cast members and other guests both — and would point out where to get free stuff or just take extra time to be social. What could’ve been a boring day walking around theme parks alone turned into a pretty awesome Disney birthday. And people wonder why I like Disney so much.

The “point” of the whole trip was to check out what had been done for the 50th anniversary and, secondarily but just as important for tax purposes, to see if anything conjured up ideas that seemed applicable to the project. The park looks really nice, and they’ve done a great job of making it feel like a big event is going on. The emphasis is on Disneyland itself, instead of the characters or movies that usually take the focus, and since I’ve always been a bigger fan of the parks than the movies, it all worked for me.

“Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln” has been replaced (I asked the host if it were permanent, but he said that Mr. Lincoln would definitely be back after the 50th) with a display on Disneyland history and a short movie hosted by Steve Martin and Donald Duck. The movie’s very clever and well done; they avoided the schmaltz and corny humor and just went with the “Disneyland is pretty cool” angle. And the display wasn’t just a repeat of all the same stuff they always drag out; most of the pictures and models and such, I’d never seen before.

And the new fireworks show is just great. Again, they kept the “Remember the magic of the dreams of a child’s wishes and imagination” stuff to just the beginning and the end, and kept most of it related to the park itself. They used lots of audio from the original rides and have a segment of the show themed to each of the lands. All of the effects are spectacular, like the huge fireballs for the Indiana Jones segment; and many of them are really clever, like the sparklers and fx going off all around the castle representing the Frontierland shooting gallery.

It was exhausting (I ended up just falling asleep when I got back from the airport & lunch on Friday), but a lot of fun. Now I just have to head back once they’ve re-opened Space Mountain.

Back to School

My first day on the new project is over, and it went pretty well as far as I can tell. I’m really excited about the project itself (which I can’t say anything about because of all the NDA’s and such), although that excitement is probably causing me to show off more of my Disney fandom than I’d like to. Hey, my career strategy so far has been “try to get a job at a company you’re a fan of and then work the hell out of it until you’re burnt out,” and that’s worked out okay so far.

The environment seems to strike a good balance between professional and super-talented, and laid-back. I’m still wary of getting too excited about any job after working for LucasArts, but so far all signs point to yes.

There’s going to be more travel down here to LA than I’d expected, but that’s probably an advantage. The bad side is my anti-LA bias that I’ve already made apparent; the good side is that it’s nice to actually see the people you’re working with. Plus, it should help structure my time better than “wake up, pour Coke, smoke cigarette, turn on computer, begin working.” And of course all that time spent on BART and at airports is life-affirming, in much the same way that people waking up from year-long comas resolve to live more fulfilling lives.

So now I’ve just got to figure out what to do with any down time in LA I might have. I’ve gotten some suggestions so far that I’ll try to check out. I’m not much of a club guy anyway, and going to nightclubs alone in a foreign city seems… well, I’ll probably end up doing it, but not until I’ve exhausted my theme park opportunities. The LaBrea Tar Pits are out because I hate redundancy; I would only go there to use a nearby ATM machine and type in my PIN number. And Santa Monica and the coast are out because I don’t like beaches (so I guess you could say I’m a playa hater)*.

*If you’re here from a link on the SDMB: yes, that’s the second time I’ve used that lame pun. Get your own blog if you think you can do better!

I’m Moderately Displeased with LA

Turns out my hotel is a short hike from Universal Studios. I can do without the theme park — I’m assuming it’s pretty much the same as Orlando’s version — but having the City Walk relatively close to the hotel is a nice bonus.

Last time I went to the City Walk was over an E3 weekend, and I ended up seeing Battlefield Earth with some coworkers. So my memories of the place are traumatic at best. But tonight, my flight was delayed two hours, so I didn’t get in until after 10 PM. The place is a lot more subdued at 10 PM on a Tuesday; no crowds to speak of, and the loud, giant TV screen was playing Alison Krauss videos instead of that loud hippity-hop music all the kids like. Plus, getting in late meant none of the arriving-in-LA-after-a-six-hour-drive-to-find-sinus-clogging-heat syndrome. Just a short flight into an airport named after Bob Hope, which was playing “Dead Man’s Party” (interesting choice for an airport) and other 80’s songs on the PA system, and a reasonably easy suburban drive to a theme park hotel, all in clear 70-degree weather.

You could even say it’s “pleasant.”

But internet access from the hotel is ten bucks a night. Garrr! Fucking LA!

Some Alone Time with Mickey

You’ve just quit your job, spent a month unemployed, and turned old! What are you going to do now?

I’m going to Disneyland on Thursday, which proves that even something as awful as having to go to Los Angeles can have a silver lining. They’ve had a big 50th Anniversary celebration, and I’ve been curious to see what all is going on, but afraid to go because of the crowds. Hopefully on a weekday, it’ll be less insane. (Walt Disney World over the week after Memorial Day was nuts).

Used to be that the idea of going to a Disney park by myself would just seem miserable, but now I’m actually kind of looking forward to it. I hope that’s a sign that I’m just getting more mature, not that I’m getting more creepy anti-social.

Thirty-Four

One more year down without my dying, but I sure gave it the old college try last night. I hung out with a bunch of friends at the Crow Bar for a repeat of last year’s birthday. I’d said last year I wasn’t going to do that again — said it on the internets, as a matter of fact — but last Monday around 2 AM I decided I’d better do something to celebrate it.

Early reports say I had a good time last night, but I’m not the one to ask. I do remember what seemed like dozens of people asking me repeatedly if I needed another drink, and considering how much it hurts to type right now, I must’ve answered “yes” every time. Based on the contents of my pockets, I went to a restaurant that serves sugar — I have vague memories of lasagna (at least, I hope that was lasagna) and I hope that I paid for it or that someone paid for it on my behalf.

As much as I’m enjoying the Memento-like intrigue of this morning, standard apologies for anything inappropriate you believe I said or did and can convince me that I really did say or do it. And if for some reason you’re reading this and are just now hearing about it, because I was putting the invite together around 2 AM from an address book that hasn’t been synched up in 6 months and I neglected to invite you, then apologies go double.

Everyone who showed up: thanks loads for coming out! I had a blast, it was a great way to celebrate the birthday, and I really appreciate your coming. Everyone who didn’t show up or I forgot to invite: don’t worry, you didn’t miss anything.

Now I’m going to lie down and see how long it takes Advil to start working.

Cards v0.1

A while ago, Rain was saying that she didn’t have a version of solitaire for the Macintosh I made her buy. So I offered to write one. There are plenty of versions already out there, but I have my reasons. I’ll list them, in fact:

I’ve never seen a freeware one that’s as lightweight and simple as the versions that come free with Windows.
I need practice with Java and still need to learn Mac OS X programming.
I can mess around with the images.
I believe that all game programmers are required by law to have written a version of solitaire or Tetris at one point.
Just felt like it, okay?

So here it is. (That’s a direct link to the zip file). It only runs on Mac OS X, and it’s very simple but still kinda large and slow what with the images and with its being written in Java and all. I think it works; I tested it until I got sick of playing Klondike. One thing: double-clicking on a card or stack of cards will immediately move it to the first location where it fits.

Plans for future improvement, if I ever get around to it:

Add FreeCell.
Animate the cards moving into place instead of just popping them there.
Save the state of the game when you shut down the app.
Add Blackjack and maybe Poker.

Also note that the card back images of Vincent D’onofrio and Mark Ruffalo (no, I can’t tell them apart, either) were at the request of my patron.

007something

Five discs down on “Alias,” and they lost me somewhere. Maybe it was because I had to rush the thing back to the video store, so I fast-forwarded through the clip-show episode and any bit where acoustic guitar started playing and people started talking about their feelings. But I wasn’t intrigued by the Saga of the “Snowman.”

Before the show came out, I read a preview in Entertainment Weekly or something, where they interviewed J.J. Abrams. He said the concept of the show was “what if Felicity were a super-spy?” That’s what sold the show for ABC and most viewers, apparently, but it’s what turned me off and made me not want to watch it. (Plus, the descriptions of torture scenes.)

I’ve watched a lot of WB series since then, and I had prepared myself for lots of montages of our-heroine-in-emotional-turmoil while pop hits play in the background. But it seems to be getting less of the “Felicity” influence and more of the Ken Olin influence. I mean, good for the guy for producing and directing, and throwing a bone to his “thirtysomething” cast-mates by giving them (and himself) cameos, but I personally don’t want that in my action series. Therapy sessions and sepia-toned conversations while drinking wine and sitting on throw pillows? No thanks. Riding motorbikes towards Hummers full of gun-toting former-Soviets only to launch an ejection balloon at the last second and get picked up by a passing DC-10, leaving the motorbike to ram the bad guys in a huge fireball? Bring it.

Now that I’m going to be getting them in the mail, hopefully there’ll be less pressure to watch them like blipverts, and I won’t get “Alias” overload. If nothing else, it should keep every blog entry from being about that damn TV show.