We Can Rebuild Her

"My Sleep Comfort bed helps me forget all the cares of my everyday life."An entry on the Sci Fi Wire blog says that David Eick, one of the creators of the new “Battlestar Galactica,” is planning a “complete reconceptualization” of the series “The Bionic Woman”.

I called some of my contacts in the industry and obtained a top-secret document detailing the proposed story arc for the first season:

A series of 8 “webisodes” available exclusively on SciFi.com, detailing the work of the brilliant doctor who comes up with bionic technology. After her most important breakthrough, operatives from a rival technology firm kidnap the doctor in an action-packed sequence. They then rape her, steal her blueprints and her ovaries, bury her alive, make fraudulent charges on her credit cards, dig her up, rape her again, then murder her. Runs May through July with strong lead-in to August season pilot.

Episodes 1-2 (Pilot)
Career woman with promising career is told she’s infertile. Thrown into depression, she develops eating disorder then gradually more self-destructive behavior. Leaves fiance, takes up extreme sports. Final 30 minutes of episode 2 shows skydiving accident in prolonged, horrific detail.

Episode 3
Cut between flashbacks to skydiving accident and invasive medical procedures. Pronounced dead. Misogynist military biotech expert proposes bionic enhancement, has difficulties with his own marriage and deals with death of his mother.

Episode 4
More flashbacks of skydiving accident, invasive bionic medical procedures. Biotech expert develops drinking problem.

Episode 5
Physical therapy, frustration and suicide attempts, addiction to pain killers. Cliffhanger: military presents incalculable medical bills, only way to repay is to work as covert gov’t operative.

Episode 6
While in gov’t training, bionic woman fails to save little girl from oncoming train. Wracked with guilt. Shadowy figure pleased at success of gov’t’s new “omega weapon.”

Episodes 7-10
Black ops missions in Afghanistan and the Sudan. Supporting cast introduced, killed. Bionic woman deals with secret drug addiction, wracked with guilt over death of little girl.

Episodes 11-12
Two parter. Bionic woman forced to assassinate her ex-fiance (an upcoming presidential candidate) and his new wife.

Episode 13
Bionic woman teams with Sasquatch to fight evil Soviet fembots. (Sweeps)

Episodes 14-20

Episode 21

Episode 22
More cancer.

Episode 23
Problems with aural implant lead to suspicions of schizophrenia. Suspected mole in agency, evil twin of her biotech expert primary contact. One is rigged with explosives to blow up the Pentagon. Who can she trust?

Episode 24
Bionic arm goes awry, killing Pope. Wracked with guilt.

Episodes 25-26
Meets rival agent, falls in love. Discovers he is also equipped with bionics. Make elaborate plans to leave their respective agencies and escape to obscure island in S. Pacific. Elopement. New husband is killed in horrific wedding night malfunction. She is charged with murder. Was it all a set-up? (Cliffhanger)