Fans of Lore Sjöberg’s, especially the Book of Ratings, should take a look at his latest experiment. I’m a fan. It’s one of the only cases where adding all the new media internet video podcast hoopla actually improves the original material.

I’ve wasted way too much time today reading the internet hubub about how a webcomic was ripped off by an art thief. Actually, “art thief” isn’t as good a description as “some dude who makes crappy drawings from internet catchphrases and puts them on T-shirts and paintings and has made obscene millions doing so,” but I feel obligated to do my part in the nerd fight.

The whole thread where it went down is on somethingawful.com, but it’s interminable and filled with your standard internet “nerd rage,” as the victim points out. The highlights for me were the truly awful company started by the guy, and this article about his gallery showing in Vegas. Even without the clear-cut plagiarism charge, I don’t see how anybody can read that article after seeing his work and not just be filled with an ill-defined rage and a queasy feeling about the state of humanity.

There’s been a good bit of this going around; charges of lying or plagiarism followed by an internet outrage. There was James Frey’s smackdown on Oprah, then more recently the stand-up comedian slap-fight between Joe Rogan and Carlos Mencia over Mencia’s stealing comedy material, and now this.

What gets me is that all the cases have one major thing in common, one that frequently gets overlooked: the perpetrators all suck. Everybody made a big deal about how Frey lied, and how Mencia, and Dane Cook, and now Todd Goldman all steal. But people don’t give enough attention to the fact that they all put out really terribly awful shit, and make millions and millions of dollars off of it.

It was hard to get too incensed about the Rogan/Mencia spat, because I’m no fan of Rogan outside of “News Radio.” But as was the case with all these stories, you start reading little bits about it on the internet, and then start digging deeper and finding out more about these talentless hacks, and it just gets worse. I’d never seen Mencia’s TV show, but of course I had to go on YouTube and see this god-awful stupid video of his catch-phrase song, which just raises the question “The dude makes this and people’s biggest complaint is that he steals material?” The only defense of Mencia I ever saw was this blog post from one of the series’ writers, where he says that Rogan was just jealous, and that the jokes in question were so obvious anybody could’ve made them. Seriously, that’s his defense. The guy gets paid to write this crap, and he justifies it by saying that it’s not plagiarism, it’s making completely obvious and uninspired commentary that absolutely anyone could’ve come up with first. In other words, he’s a total hack.

The T-Shirt guy fiasco is even stupider. Here’s a compilation of thefts and alleged thefts. What bears repeating: this is an intellectual property argument over novelty tees, and not even particularly clever ones. And the guy has made an obscene amount of money selling them. And his defense, at least at the moment, is that he “unintentionally” took the design from a submission and didn’t research it enough. Note that the guy isn’t just talentless and dishonest; he’s a total douchebag. But back up a step to really appreciate his “defense:” the guy takes drawings “submitted” by other people, paints them on a canvas with his name on it, and charges thousands of dollars for them. And they sell. I can’t help feeling like we’re all victims in this scenario.

Whatever happened to stealing and lying to come up with something good? Self-important hipsters have been saying for years that the only way to really make a lot of money in the arts and entertainment is to make stupid, non-challenging crap that’s been dumbed down for the mass market. Despite the overwhelming amount of evidence, I just can’t believe that’s true.

I’ve still got my theory, but I’m afraid it might be overly optimistic. I like to think that the reason these cases get so much attention is because there are still enough people who get it and recognize them as being talentless hacks. Once a revelation of lying or plagiarism comes out, all the anger isn’t just at the dishonesty, but at the idea of being such a bottom-feeder and still being obscenely successful from it. Outrage over the awfulness of the result material is what gives it its initial traction, and it snowballs from there. Most people really want to see good, original, intelligent stuff. The internet rage is really about quality, not just money or copyright.

And the fact that “Robot Chicken” is not only still in production, but it regularly gets some of the highest ratings on the Cartoon Network, is because people are just naturally inclined to be nice and give a helping hand to the mentally challenged.

Just humor me on this one. I want to believe.

Back when I was writing columns for SFist, one of the things I kept harping on was that Apple should make a DVR. If they could do for television what they did for the iPod, that’d be huge, right? An interface for TV as slick as OS X, without as many of the weird limitations that the cable and sattelite companies build into their machines, and with the ability to use the video you record on your computer. It seemed like a no-brainer.

Of course, what they came out with instead was the Apple TV. I was completely unimpressed with the announcement, I was more blown away at the concept of Apple’s releasing a product that I didn’t want to buy. The Apple TV isn’t a DVR; it’s just a way to watch and listen to stuff from iTunes (and iPhoto) on a big screen TV. That’s it. I could barely see the point, and it seemed like a step backwards instead of an innovation.

Now that it’s been out for a while, I just read this review of the Apple TV on arstechnica.com. And I still would never even think of buying one of the things. But after seeing in detail how the thing works and which audience it’s targeted at, I think I finally understand it. And I’m more than a little disturbed.

I’m disturbed because of this: the reason I didn’t understand the thing is because I can’t conceive of a world without television.

It’s kind of embarrassing. It’s not like Apple has been subtle with their whole strategy — they want you to buy stuff off iTunes. But even though I’ve got several friends who don’t have cable or satellite, and I’ve got friends who even watch shows off iTunes and have told me about the process, I just couldn’t understand how the process would work. How can Chuck watch TV if Chuck no can hook satellite to computer? Chuck confused and angry!

Am I just too short-sighted and old to understand new media? Or have I been living for so long with a coaxial cable from Comcast or DirecTV that I see it as an umbilical cord, and can’t imagine life without it? I don’t even watch nearly as much TV as I used to, but still the thought of going without it altogether just never occurred to me. As a thought experiment, I decided to go through and find out what it would take to do the unthinkable, and live without a live TV feed coming into my home.

Microsoft has a new Video Marketplace you can access over the Xbox 360 (and I’m guessing Vista), but a) it doesn’t have a lot of TV content yet, and b) they don’t as far as I can tell let you download entire seasons. So until that matures, the only other option is iTunes.

And yes, I am aware that with the internet, you can get all the TV you want in high definition for free. But at present, the majority of my income comes from a major multinational media company, so I can’t really condone that with a clear conscience. And still, that stuff is hard to find, takes forever to download, and just has a “ethical gray area” feel to it. So I’m not considering that.

So for this test, I’ll take the shows that I watch regularly. I’ll pretend that their seasons all overlap, and that a season is about 9 months.

Now, I pay an obscene amount for my satellite TV connection. It’s almost as much as I pay for real necessities, like cigarettes. If I think about how much better it would be for me to take that money and donate it to charity or something, it just gets depressing and strikes me as vaguely un-American, so I’ll just leave that idea alone. What I will do, though, is cut ten bucks a month off the bill, because that’s what I pay for the HD package (which is mostly worthless, but the rare shows that are broadcast in HD are sweet), and iTunes doesn’t support HD yet.

So for DirecTV the total is: 9 months at $50 a month = $450 per season.
Downsides: Commercials, being stuck with DirecTV’s lousy DVR.

Looking on the iTunes store, here’s the cost of season passes of shows I’ve watched with any regularity in the past year:

1. 30 Rock: $34.99
2. Heroes: $42.99
3. Lost: $34.99
4. Monk: $29.99
5. Battlestar Galactica: $34.99
6. Doctor Who: not available
7. The Venture Brothers: $19.99
8. Mythbusters: $25.87
9. Passport to Europe: $22.99
10. Saturday Night Live: $29.99
11. The Sarah Silverman Program: $9.99
12. Kim Possible: $37.99
13. Legion of Super-Heroes: not available

So for iTunes the total is: $324.77 per season.
Downsides: waiting for downloads; the day delay between broadcast and iTunes availability; the lack of local programming, CNN and just lazy channel-surfing; knowing that I paid $43 for a show that I hate but am hooked on anyway (”Heroes”); no “Doctor Who;” no cheesy anime on adult swim. Plus, missing out on the stuff I watch sporadically but would never go out of my way to pay for — Discovery Channel documentaries, cheesy movies on the Sci Fi channel, and just about everything on the Food network.

I’d never seen a break-down like that before, and the result really surprised me. First, obviously, because it comes out cheaper to buy entire seasons online than it does to pay for a monthly satellite bill. Second, that there are shows available I never would’ve expected to be, like “Mythbusters” and “Passport to Europe.” And third, that browsing around the iTunes store works as well for TV shows as it does for music or watching stuff on a DVR. Especially since you can buy individual episodes to try them out. So I’ve gone from thinking that the iTunes video store was worthless, to realizing that unless you watch a lot more television than I do, it actually makes more sense to get stuff online than pay a regular monthly cable or satellite bill.

I’m not going to cut the cord anytime soon, since live and semi-live TV has gotten to be a habit. And there’s still a mental block with the pricing — even though it actually comes out cheaper, it’s easier for me to rationalize paying a bill and considering it a “utility”, than it would be to pay thirty or forty bucks for a series I feel somewhat guilty for watching anyway (like, for instance, the Disney Channel animated series aimed at teenage girls).

But after seeing it actually broken down, I feel like I finally understand why everybody’s making such a big fuss about TV over IP. If they can get semi-reformed TV junkies like me to make the switch, there’s a ton of potential and even more money to be made there; I wonder why they don’t make more of an effort to demonstrate how it’s cheaper.

And in case you’ve read all this, and your response is, “or you could, well, read a book,” then you just don’t get it, man.

The planets must be aligning or something. I saw that two more of my favorite things are coming together: the RiffTrax guys released a track for the pilot episode of “Lost”.

I haven’t listened to it yet, but of course I bought it the second I saw it and realized what it was. This RiffTrax idea is getting better all the time. I can see how people who were into MST3K out of a love of bad old B-movies might be disappointed (but there’s always Film Crew Online if you want that). For me, I just like the “sitting in a room with a bunch of funny people cracking jokes” aspect. All of the RiffTrax have delivered on that.

It’s like having imaginary friends to watch “Lost” with me!

The internets are way way too big for only six links. I waste enjoy at least four hours a day looking at stuff on the computers, I’ve got a lot more stuff to recommend.

Making Light: I got in trouble a while ago for calling this site a hotbed of liberal propaganda. When the country isn’t being run by corrupt morons, the blog has a great mix of general interest stuff and insight into the writing and publishing process. Plus, it’s got some of the most literate comment threads you’ll see on a blog (next to this one, of course — thanks, Cory!)

You Don’t Know Jack: They’ve been running daily DisOrDat games for a while; now they’ve got whole seven-question episodes. Awesome, and topical! The YDKJ series are the best-written videogames ever — any time anybody tries to trot out that nonsense that videogame writing can’t measure up to TV or movies, just show them YDKJ: Movies and that’ll shut ‘em up. (My favorite joke in a game, ever, is one of the question titles from the Movies edition: “I Said CHISOLM Trail!”)

Fashion SWAT: Somethingawful.com isn’t a new discovery; most people who like it at all have already read it and the Comedy Goldmine/Photoshop Phriday. But I’d never seen the Fashion SWAT section until recently, and it’s without exaggeration some of the funniest stuff you’ll find on the internets. I have a hard time believing that it’s as extemporaneous as they make it out to be, because it would just be unfair on a cosmic level if people can come up with sudden-bladder-release-threateningly funny material without preparation.

RiffTrax: I guess this technically doesn’t count, since it’s more of a store than regularly-updated content, but I’ve got to mention it as much as possible. The ex-”MST3k” guys making fun of reasonably current movies, what could be better?

The Comics Curmudgeon: Newspaper comic strips ruthlessly mocked. I never realized how relentlessly depressing “Funky Winkerbean” is.

The Slumbering Lungfish: The blog of Lore Sjöberg, co-creator of the Brunching Shuttlecocks comedy site, author of The Book of Ratings, and now contributor for game reviews and various other projects. If you don’t look at anything else in this post, at least see my favorite “Bad Gods” entry.

Thanks to the Sam & Max games, Google searches by friends from back East, and the fact that for the first time in recent memory I have friendly neighbors, a lot of new people are discovering this website. I feel obligated to point out that there are a lot more interesting places on the interwebs that you could be.

The sidebar still has links to friends & other interesting sites; the del.icio.us section has what I’ve been looking at recently. In addition to that, here’s my favorite internet stuff of the moment:

TV In Japan: If you liked the video of Pan the Chimpanzee and James the Bulldog exercising, here’s a whole website full of stuff like that.

Achewood: Not just my favorite webcomic, but possibly the best thing on the internet ever. The strips don’t generally work out of context, so you’ve got to spend some time getting caught up. And if you’re offended by naughty words or adult situations involving cartoon cats, then it’s probably not for you.

Dave’s Long Box: A funny guy writes about his comic book collection. If it is possible for a non-comic book geek to enjoy any weblog about comics (I’m skeptical), this is the most likely one. It’s totally f@#$ing Airwolf.

The House Next Door: Frequently long-winded and often pompous posts about TV, movies, and other things of trivial importance. It’s also pretty well written, though, and usually has more insight than other reviews.

Drawn!: The Illustration Blog. Daily links to some great artists’ websites and projects going on around the internet.

Wil Wheaton Dot Net: In Exile: An always-interesting blog about geek stuff from the former “Star Trek” actor.

And via Kotaku, my other favorite video of the week.

From Entertainment Weekly’s blog, here’s more proof that the Japanese culture is infinitely superior to our own.

Pan the Chimpanzee can do twice as many sit-ups as I can.