Monthly Archives: May 2006

Your Summer Movie Season, Should You Choose to Accept It

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A few weeks ago I was outside the multiplex of the soulless Glendale Galleria, looking at the posters of coming attractions and dreading the summer. Larry the Cable Guy was still playing, and the movies we had to look forward [...]

He's so refreshingly un-PC!A few weeks ago I was outside the multiplex of the soulless Glendale Galleria, looking at the posters of coming attractions and dreading the summer. Larry the Cable Guy was still playing, and the movies we had to look forward to were The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift and Garfield 2.

I was thinking that there is a reason people aren’t going to see movies much anymore, and the MPAA needs to learn that it’s not because of pirates or bootleggers or DVRs.

But I just got back from seeing Mission: Impossible 3, and not only was it good, but every single trailer they showed beforehand looked like something I’d want to see.

Tonight’s movie first: it’s not going to make anybody’s best movie ever list, but it’s a good, solid summer action movie with plenty of explosions and enough intelligence behind it to never kick you out of the experience. I’d heard people say it’s like “Alias” with Tom Cruise, but not really — it’s a good bit less goofy than “Alias.” And I’ve heard people were averse to see it because of Mr. Cruise, but for all his faults you’ve got to give him credit: once the movie starts, he usually disappears and does a good job. There’s only one bit where he was acting, where he’s telling his fiancee to trust him. The rest is all running from stuff getting blown up, and, which struck me as unusual for an action movie, acting like he’s winded afterwards.

So that’s one down. My take on the rest of the movies I’m interested in seeing, in order, just based on the trailers:

  1. Pirates of the Caribbean 2: I dunno, maybe that makes me a company yes-man or something. The trailer kicks ass. (The trailer I saw tonight isn’t online yet as far as I can tell). Great villain, good one-liners, neat effects, looks like a hell of a lot of fun.
  2. X-Men 3: The buzz around this one is looking worse and worse, but I’m sticking by it.
  3. Superman Returns: I haven’t been able to put my finger on it, but this one just hasn’t really grabbed me. I still think the actor, the suit, Lois Lane, everything except Kevin Spacey as Luthor, just seems “off.” The new trailer is great, though, so that bumped it up the list.
  4. The DaVinci Code: Remember this list is relative. I’m not expecting the movie to be good, but I’m going to see it anyway — I sure as hell am not going to read the book, and the story sounds just interesting enough to make me wonder what all the fuss is about. Plus, Audrey Tautou.
  5. Over the Hedge: I know! I’m surprised too, but it looks like it might actuall be kind of funny. What sells it is William Shatner as a possum.
  6. The Omen: Why do I want to see this one? For you, Damien! It’s all for you! But really, it’s for Mia Farrow as creepy nanny. And because the original is just about the stupidest “thriller” movie ever made, and I’m curious whether it’s possible to make a scary movie out of it. Seriously, the whole movie is like two hours of Gregory Peck going from person to person and having them say, “your son is the devil,” and then dying horribly, and still he never clues in.
  7. Poseidon: And this getting down to the very bottom of the barrel, but it’s summer, and it’s a giant ship that rolls over and sinks. Which is a metaphor for something or other.

Not an outstanding line-up, but still. It should be enough of a diversion until Fall and Snakes on a Plane.

Superman Complains

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I woke up this morning just after having a dream where I was Superman. But it wasn’t a cool dream, where I was flying, or beating up on people, or kickin’ it with Lois or Lana, or even bringing back [...]

Superman Returns trailerI woke up this morning just after having a dream where I was Superman.

But it wasn’t a cool dream, where I was flying, or beating up on people, or kickin’ it with Lois or Lana, or even bringing back souvenirs for my pal Jimmy Olsen.

No, in my dream it was: “Oh HELL no I don’t need this! I’ve got enough to deal with as it is, and now I gotta be Superman? People are going to be asking me to do stuff for them, and I’m going to have to be flying all over the place getting in fights and stopping evil.”

So I didn’t even get to the flying part, or even put on the suit for that matter; I was too busy pitching a fit. In retrospect it’s a good thing I woke up when I did, because I hadn’t remembered about Kryptonite yet. That and Mr. Mxyzptlk would’ve probably gotten me on a tirade that would’ve lasted into the afternoon.

The whole incident reminded me that I’ve never had a dream where I was flying. If you believe what you read, it’s pretty common, but the closest I’ve ever come that I can remember was dreaming I was in the observation deck of the World Trade Center and the glass wasn’t there, so I fell out but didn’t hit the ground. I just kind of hung there, over that big globe statue that used to be there, then got bored and the dream switched to something else.

If I were into dream analysis, I’m sure this would all lead me to believe that I’ve got a lack of imagination and I’m repressed and inclined to be pessimistic and negative. But then, if I were into dream analysis, I’d have to start putting more weight in those dreams I keep having about me, Rachael Ray, Larry the Cable Guy, Velma, and Sayid from “Lost” all snowboarding down a mountain but it turns out the snow is actually sausage gravy and we all crash into a giant biscuit and then fall as one big pile onto the conveyor belt of a lumber-mill and as we inch closer to the giant saw blade I can feel one of them start grabbing me, you know, down there and I’m afraid to look down and see which one it is and I wake up screaming.

Greedo Went Out Like a Chump

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Lucasfilm finally caved and are releasing the original Star Wars movies on DVD. I’m not happy about it. Reason one: I already bought the “special editions.” I don’t like the special editions. The Death Star did not blow up with [...]

I've been waiting for this a long time.Lucasfilm finally caved and are releasing the original Star Wars movies on DVD. I’m not happy about it.

Reason one: I already bought the “special editions.” I don’t like the special editions. The Death Star did not blow up with a shock wave. Either time. And as the Star Wars.com main page reminds us now, even though they’ve been denying it for years because of you know “original artistic vision” and all that crap, Han shot first.

I put off buying the special editions for a long time, and then finally caved when I realized it was the only way I was going to be able to have copies of the original movies on DVD. If I could exchange the special editions for the real ones, then I’d be okay with that. Something tells me they’re not going to let you do that, though. When I do some ciphering and calculate how much money I made from working for Lucas companies vs. how much money I’ve given to Lucas companies, I think I’m at a net loss.

Reason two: “This release will only be available for a limited time: from September 12th to December 31st.” On the press release, they should just replace this sentence with a picture of George flipping us the bird. Haven’t these guys heard of ebay? Don’t they realize that this is going to make it impossible for people to just go into a store and pick up a copy of the DVDs? There’s going to be speculators all over the place waiting in line to snatch up all the available copies, then sell them online for a huge mark-up.

Disney gets a lot of grief — and very deservedly so — for their whole “Disney vault” nonsense and creating an artificial demand for DVD releases by only leaving them out for a limited time. It may generate revenue for them (although considering they’re down to doing it with direct-to-video stuff like Mulan VIII or Bambi’s Revenge, even that well may have dried up), but it just pisses off the fans.

Two for the Road

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Holy shit! Seriously! I’m not used to having a television show, even the ones I like, make me genuinely feel anything, but this one hit me like a ton of bricks. Like, just sitting there like I’d just been in [...]

Holy shit!

Seriously!

I’m not used to having a television show, even the ones I like, make me genuinely feel anything, but this one hit me like a ton of bricks. Like, just sitting there like I’d just been in a car accident or something, with that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach and thinking, “No way did that just happen.”

Now I’m even dreading watching the next episode and having to see the fallout. Until then, I guess it’s poring over The Hanso Foundation.org (1-877-HANSORG).

And after all that build-up, the spoiler warning: Seriously — if you’re thinking you might watch “Lost” at some point, skip the rest of this post. It’s for your own good. (And it won’t make any sense if you don’t watch the show anyway, so there’s no use in spoiling it for yourself).

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Network Neutrality

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I’d been reading bits and pieces about Network Neutrality for a while now, but for whatever reason I was never struck with how it’s A Really Big Deal. It took a post on Wil Wheaton’s blog to clue me in. [...]


Save the Internet: Click hereI’d been reading bits and pieces about Network Neutrality for a while now, but for whatever reason I was never struck with how it’s A Really Big Deal. It took a post on Wil Wheaton’s blog to clue me in. Thanks, Wesley! This is a pretty messed-up situation.

This post on the Huffington Post by Adam Green explains the situation. In particular, his link to this editorial in The New Yorker which gives it some context and talks about the potential ramifications if the telco companies get their way.

I guess I assumed that the telecommunications companies’ position was such a transparently blatant case of corporate greed that it would never get as far as it has. But then, I have been living in the United States for the past six years, so I really don’t have any excuse to still be so naive.

The situation as they spin it is one of fair play, de-regulation — the capitalism that I’ve gone on record as being in favor of. The networks are outdated and broken, they claim, and it’s going to cost billions and billions of dollars to fix them. Big corporations like Google and Amazon (and now, YouTube, apparently) are using up an disproportionate amount of bandwidth on these networks, but not paying for them. They’re using more of the internets; isn’t it only fair that they should foot the bill? If the telco companies are allowed to institute tiered pricing, then they can charge big greedy Amazon more, while leaving the common internet user (you and me) alone.

Which is, of course, bullshit.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m already paying over fifty bucks a month to AT&T (or is it SBC, or Yahoo!, or some other ConHugeCo conglomerate/cabal I’m not even aware of?) to get internet access. I’m assuming that Amazon and Google aren’t running their services through the same type of single DSL line I use. They’re already paying more.

And when the rates go up, are they just going to quietly eat the overhead themselves? Of course not. They’re going to increase the charges to me. (Or in the case of Google, however they make money, they’re going to do more of it. I’m sure I’ll end up paying one way or another.) So I, and every other one of the “common men” of the internet that the lobbyists are playing to, is going to have to pay AT&T or Comcast or Verizon or whatever service provider twice for the same service.

And that’s the best-case scenario. Far more likely is that the companies will have an unprecedented level of control over what gets seen on the internet at all. Somebody at AT&T doesn’t like what you post on your blog? They can just restrict bandwidth to it so that nobody ever sees it. Barnes&Noble.com outbids Amazon.com for tiered access? Suddenly, their site runs like a dream and Amazon acts like you’re seeing it over a Vicmodem.

And that’s not even to mention local bookstores who want to set up a web presence. Or just somebody like myself, who doesn’t have a whole lot to say but by damn is going to go online and say it.

Mike McCurry, the former Clinton press secretary who’s now shilling for AT&T and the like as a lobbyist, has already been caught lying twice in his defense of his claims, by other writers on the very same blog. What offends me the most about his nonsense is that it’s just a blatant copy of the same tired old shit that we’ve getting around just about every political issue for years, and has even been leaking into entertainment. Let’s break it down:

  • Stupid polarizing terminology. Just like the attempts to turn “liberal” into a dirty word, and coin “neocon” as another compartmentalization. This dumb-ass keeps calling everyone “net neuts.” It’s idiotic juvenile name-calling, pure and simple.
  • Faux populism. They’re doing it for your benefit, you see! Why are you defending these Big Corporations like Google and Amazon? They don’t care about you! They’re getting a free ride off of you! And really, I mean, AT&T and Verizon and Comcast — they’re not all that big, right? They’re just regular joes like you and me. I bet the head of AT&T would be great to have a beer with, not like that elitist snob Jeff Bezos!
  • Followed by insulting elitism. At the same time they try to make themselves like the common man, they always throw in the tone of “you wouldn’t understand, so don’t worry your pretty little head about it.” There are so many complicated issues with global network infrastructure that are way way too technical to go into. All you need to know is that the damn liberals have made it sound like a case of the little guy vs. Big Corporations. Which it’s not. Even if it is AT&T and Verizon trying to institute a system that would let them charge you $500 a month to have a personal website.
  • Lying. Okay, this one isn’t unique to the last decade, but it’s still pretty damn insulting. Seriously, read this moron’s blathering again and tell me he’s not evil. It’s so obvious even before you read the cheat sheet.

So there’s an Internet petition, for whatever that’s worth. If you don’t like MoveOn.org (I don’t particularly, but signed the petition anyway), you can go directly to SaveTheInternet.com and participate in their campaign, with links to your representatives and such. You can also check out their blog, which collects the most relevant info about the issue and exposes what a bunch of greedy liars the telco company lobbyists are.

Hopefully this will get enough attention that we can put the smack down on any such blatant free-speech assaults as this one. And then once we’ve got the basics down, we can go back to bugging our representatives about stuff like not dropping nuclear bombs on Iran.