You just take a 9×9 grid, with numbers already printed in some of the slots, and then go to town on it. Each row and each column has to contain all 9 digits, that’s the only rule. They don’t have to add up to anything, or anything more sophisticated than that. Apparently, fun ensues.

I still don’t understand how you can fill up not just one but a billion books with sudoku playing tips, so I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt and assuming that all the books have special self-help sections explaining how to improve your life to the point where you no longer think solving sudoku puzzles is a worthwhile diversion.

My favorite website says that the name is an abbreviation a Japanese phrase meaning “the digits must remain single,” which makes me wonder if there’s something Zen going on with the whole thing. Or maybe it’s a global kabballistic ritual, or the solutions are being somehow used in distributed-computing experiments like SETI or the human genome project or the cure for cancer. But then I realize that Japan is where pachinko is a national pasttime, and I scroll down the page to see a screen grab of a live Sudoku TV show, and I’m just sad again.

I think, “Wow, lots of people must like this. What is it? Maybe I will like it.”

But when I look at the covers of the books, I see:

1. Numbers
2. In grid form.

I have never been one for abstraction, preferring Dark Tower to Chess.

I believe Spectre Collie should embark on a tutorial.