Unchained Malady

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Seems like I can remember being laid low with the illness not so long ago — why, as a matter of fact, this very blog tells me it was just over a month ago.

Seriously, what the Hell, cosmos? I thought we had an arrangement: in exchange for your staying out of my business for most of the year while I continue to make what are generally considered “unhealthy” lifestyle choices, I agree to one (1) incident of cold and/or flu each cold & flu season, which will consist of no more than three (3) days of abject misery. I’m not supposed to get sick twice in the same winter!

Especially with whatever Umbrella Corporation-engineered Super-virus I’ve got this time. So far it’s been a week, and even today I’d upgrade my condition not to “Well,” but “Sick and Most Likely Still Infectious” at best.

Sunday night was miserable.

Monday I went into work, since I’d taken Friday off and was still unwilling to accept that I could be getting sick twice in two months, and unwittingly exposing all my co-workers.

I don’t remember Tuesday. I’m pretty sure it happened on schedule, or else I’d have heard something about it, but as far as I’m concerned, it didn’t exist.

Wednesday, I must’ve had at least an hour or so of being semi-lucid. All I can really remember is lying in bed under the covers with all my clothes on, shivering and wondering how much fluid can drain from a person’s head before it implodes. I had a complex series of fever dreams incorporating the work I’ve got to get done and an episode of “Kolchak the Night Stalker” I’d seen; all I remember is the disappointing stupid and unoriginal idea of an evil multinational corporation run by somebody named Haywood Jablowmie.

After a dismal but semi-lucid Thursday, I decided to pull out the big guns and launch an all-out offensive on the site formerly known as “my respiratory system.” I’ve heard varying reports, and I’m still not sure whether NyQuil works from its combination of drugs, or simply because it puts me into a coma for 12-14 hours. In either case, today is the first day all week that I woke up feeling like my brain and body were part of the same unit, and that I haven’t seen the Grim Reaper hovering just outside the corner of my field of vision.

And for the record: Mucinex doesn’t work for shit. That’s what I get for being so easily distracted by a slick ad campaign with CG mucus.

3 thoughts on “Unchained Malady”

  1. The worst part of a cold, to me, is when you get to that stage where you feel like your are literally going to choke to death on your own phlegm. But perhaps that’s just my curse for never learning how to properly hock a loogie…

  2. Oh yeah, I forgot to include the part where I explained my various ailments in vivid detail.

    Worst for me are the frequent whole-body sneezes, where I sneeze so hard it feels like I’ve got a simultaneous cramp in every single muscle in my body above the waist. At the moment, I’ve got wheezing cough, which occasionally and unpredictably turns into the retching am-I-about-to-throw-up cough like I’ve got a hairball.

  3. Hit the airborne.. When I get a cough like that what works for me is some licorice..honey and lemon teas..ginger..manuka honey on toast..anything to fight the infection and stop the aggravating cough. best of luck

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