10. Wears blue tights, red cape, boots, and codpiece.
9. Flies around Earth at super-speed, turns back time long enough to deliver snappier comeback to Lex Luthor than earlier “Oh no you didn’t, bitch!”
8. Starts a weblog.
7. Outfits Fortress of Solitude with hot tub, private gym, and ironic 50s and 60s ephemera.
5. Giggles uncontrollably at sexual innuendo.
4. Won’t stop quoting Bring it On.
3. Clark Kent requests transfer from news desk to gossip column.
2. Admits true weakness is not Kryptonite, but the Bravo channel.
1. Reveals that time away from Earth was spent writing a poignant, wry, and bittersweet memoir of his experiences coming to terms with a world that doesn’t understand him.